did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
