I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
