He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
