Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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