Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(386): View more from Florida

i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena

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(318): View more from Louisiana

i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate

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(727): View more from Florida

I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?

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(707): View more from California

get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.

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(801): View more from Utah

don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.

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(775): View more from Nevada

You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule

(1-775): View more from Nevada

Thats your rule and this car is nice

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil

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