make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
