I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
