I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
