dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
