he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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