My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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