You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
