Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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