Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
