he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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