I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
