Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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