I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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