my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
