I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
