Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
