I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
