Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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