My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize