It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
