capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
