talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
