Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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