she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
