she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
