That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
