hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
