Sober January is a disaster.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
