I just cut my nipple shaving
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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