weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
