i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
