I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
