i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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