She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
