Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
