i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
