yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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