I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
