If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
