i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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