I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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