Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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