okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
