meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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