My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
