i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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