so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
