I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
