I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
