She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
