My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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