Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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