I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize