I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
