i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
