i don't like sucking hair
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
