I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
