this beer tastes like vomit already
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
