I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
