Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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