clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Boobs speak an international language.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
