He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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