Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
