The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
