My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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