help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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