my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
