I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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