Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's like iHOP with fire
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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