i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
