Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
