dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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