dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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