i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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