I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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